Today in premature noms:

Hey, remember when North and South Korea were going to hold historic peace talks and finally end decades of hostility?

"Wah, wah."

-State Department spokesperson

Sad Trombone, earlier today

What's wrong with tanks? Oh right, the
precarious peace negations that could
fall apart at the slightest provocation.

Yup, North Korean officials announced today that they will be suspending the talks in response to "provocative military disturbances with South Korea." Yeah, that would be the joint military U.S. and South Korean military exercises that were held in preparation for possible military action against the north. It turns out that the timing wasn't the best you know, because of the tanks and stuff. It's got the north a little rattled, and I'm not sure they're being unreasonable this time.

Which is to say, not great. But as movies
made under the threat of death go, it's ok.

Look, I am in no way leaping to the defense of a regime that oppresses its own citizens, routinely murders its critics, and once kidnapped a Japanese director and forced him to make an off-brand Godzilla movie but-huh? Oh, it's called Pulgasari and I think it's about as good as you'd expect it to be. Anyway, just weeks after making what might have possibly, optimistically, fingers-crossedly been something like actual progress, did no one in the south foresee that maybe rehearsing for war with the north might come off a little, you know, needlessly aggressive?

Above: a ruckus. So this, but
on more of a geopolitical scale.

Oh, and if we were thinking of slinking away unnoticed, the statement also mentioned that the exercises have imperiled the up-comming talks President Trump (ugh...) was going to have the the North Korean leader:

"The United States will also have to undertake careful deliberations about the fate of the planned North Korea-U.S. summit in the light of this provocative military ruckus jointly conducted with the South Korean authorities..."

Ruckus? So while this is all a huge setback, but I'm not sure that avoiding a scenario in which the former host of The Apprentice is trying to hash out peace with North Korea is necessarily a bad thing. His diplomacy track record so far consists of shoving the Prime Minister of Montenegro, demanding that Mexico pay for a racist border wall and moving the U.S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem which has already resulted in violent protests.

Could we maybe sub in a different host from the Apprentice? Tyra Banks maybe?
She also didn't win the popular vote in the 2016 election making her equally qualified.

Pictured: Rep. Luke Messer.
Not pictured: a sense of irony.

Oh, and did I mention that eighteen House Republicans and seven governors have signed a letter to nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize? Yes, that Nobel Peace Prize. So, the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and Donald Trump. The push is led by Representative Luke Messer from Indiana who is currently running for the GOP Senate nomination and is hitching the shit out of his wagon to the President. So, good luck. Although it seems like maybe he should have waited for the hail of gunfire to cease before rolling out noms.

And speaking of forbearance, could we really not have held off pretending to invade the country we're trying to settle a technically ongoing war with? I'm not a diplomat or anything, but that just seems like it would have been a start move.

Man, we were totally shipping Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un.
We were going to call them Moon-Jong and everything...