More like MADimir...

Between bouts of maniacal cackling,
he assured the press that it would be fully
operational when our friends arrive.

You know, as is mutual assured destruction? No? Ok. Anyway, remember when the U.S.S.R. was a global superpower with whom we engaged in seventy years of brinkmanship and cold war? You do? Super. Because thanks to a combination of chest thumping antagonism on our part and an autocratic, ex-KBG President-for-life on their part, those days are back. Vladamir Putin speaking from what I can only assume must be some kind of hollowed out volcano lair, announced to the world that Russia has an all new, all different nuclear powered intercontinental ballistic missile system against which our puny missile defenses will be useless.

Good news if you're a fan of the threat of M.A.D, bad news if you enjoy being alive. I for one prefer not living under constant threat of nuclear annihilation, but not everyone feels the same way. And I respect that, as I respect all people's worldviews. No matter how short sighted and toxic.

Not sure which category you fit into? Here's a quick quiz that'll help:
are you sexually aroused by the works of Tom Clancy? Not judging...

I mean, has he seen the way the
electoral college, works? We barely
let our own people pick the President.

So what the shit are they thinking? The Russians I mean. Excellent question. According to Putin, Russia is sick and tired of the west not listening to them which is weird because we're in the west and an electorally significant chunk of us bought their line of bullshit and now a deranged gameshow host is tweeting away whatever credibility we have left. Ok, so they're clearly not hurting for influence, I mean, we basically let him choose our President, which I think was more than generous. What's his beef then? Or borscht. You know, because Russia. So what's his borscht?

"Huh, sound like anyone we know?"

-That woman we voted for

Turns out it's an election year over there and Russia is home to a huge voting block of nationalistic ICBM-humping goons who respond to this kind of alpha dog bullshit. Huh...I guess we can relate. Still though, using your new missile system to score points with voters seems a little unnecessary when you're up by like, 70 points and running effectively unopposed because you've made a hobby of getting your political opponents locked up and barred from running.

Yeah. So this is all pretty terrifying. On the one side we have a sabre-rattling goon recklessly threatening global stability for no reason other than to play to his nationalist base. On the other side we have Vladimir Putin waving his stupid new missile system around. Hey, did you see what I did there?

You know a society is comfortable with an autocracy when the
President can appear as a giant head on a wall-sized screen crowing
about how his new super weapon will make the world tremble before him.