It's like Oprah's Book Club, but rage-fueled...

I mean seriously, Jeff Bezos doesn't
need any more goddamn money. 

Fun fact about me, I work in a bookstore and-huh? Yes, those are still a thing. Shut up. Also, shop at bookstores. Anyway, I work at a bookstore and Micheal Wolff's Fire and Fury was supposed to be just another book about this preposterous administration, but then the President lost his ever-loving mind about it on Twitter and then tried to get a cease and desist order to prevent the publisher from distributing it. So I don't know shit about being a President, but I'm pretty sure the smart thing to do would have been to ignore it.

But, like I said, he chose to take the high road:

Yeah, the high road. It's up high and therefore easier to punch down from.

Try and get the book suppressed?
Yeah, that sounds like something
an innocent person would do.

So while I don't think much of Donald Trump's ability to hold high office (or run a business, or be a person), I do have to admit that the man can really sell books. As long as they're scathing tell-all's about how his staff and advisors all think he's a raving, thin-skinned man-baby. Despite of, or really because of the Presiden't rabid-foam insistence that the book is full of lies and should be banned, the book was released yesterday, four days early. Trump called Wolff a liar, Wolff gave interviews basically saying 'This fuckin' guy, am I right?' and now Fire and Fury is sold out forever. Win.

Fortunately, the President took to Twitter to set the record straight. Not about anything in the book, not directly, instead to make sure we all know how brilliant and even-keeled he'd like us to think he is. You know, in sharp contrast to everything he's ever said or done:

Wait, it gets better...

...see?

"Yep, went down in flames...with three
million more votes than you got...dick."

So first of all, I would have thought that his two greatest assets would have been his inherited wealth and the real estate company he ran with his father in the 1970's. You know, the one that systematically discriminated against Black renters? They got sued by the government, but his layer, Roy Cohn-yes, that Roy Cohn, countersued and they settled. But not after comparing the government to Nazis. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Hillary Clinton. Because this has something to do with her. Somehow?

Nope, nothing Orwellian and
batshit insane going on here. 

Wait, that's not right, we were talking about the President's insane Twitter rant (Twant?) about how stable he is. Nothing unstable about that. Speaking of stable, did you see that the President had Sarah Sanders kick off the press briefing on Thursday with a pre-recorded video of him talking about how awesome that tax bill he shoved down our throats is? Yeah, he was in the next room, but this way he doesn't have to take questions or look into the incredulous faces of the assembled reporters. 

But whatever, back to Fire and Fury. So far, the reviews I've read have been tossing around phrases like substance-light and gossipy and all seem to agree that while the accusations of chaos and instability are not not damning, it doesn't really say anything we don't all ready know. In many ways the genius move here is that the President's tantrum is going to take an unremarkable book and make it a best seller.

Look, Michael, I don't like him any more than you do, but
 he kind of made your career. Maybe send him a gift basket?