So I guess we're banking on the Rapture?

Wait, the environment? Don't we live in and breathe that? In another awesome move from the guy most of us didn't vote for, the President is going to Executive Order away a bunch of environmental protections tomorrow because, as we all know, climate change is a hoax and who cares about the environment anyway? The rapture could happen like any second...

"Well Susan, I don't want to say I told you so, but all
that recycling seems pretty pointless now doesn't it?"

Either you're for the Energy Independence
Executive Order, or you love ISIS.

The order, in traditionally Republican bullshit nomenclature, is called the Energy Independence Executive Order so anyone who isn't on board with it is basically a traitor to everything America stands for. What? Don't you like independence? Go back to Russia! Shit, did I say Russia? Why did I say Russia? I mean, what possible connection could the current administration have with-nevermind, back to the Energy Freedom Patriot Order thing. It rolls back a bunch of President Obama's protections that were designed to stave off the already pretty dire situation the environment is in.

Above: a walking, climate change
denying example of irony.

How come? Jobs. Which I think we can all agree are a good thing. But according to the climate change denier Donald Trump hilariously put in charge of the EPA:

"We can be both pro-jobs and pro-environment. The executive order will address the past administration's effort to kill jobs through the country through the Clean Power Plan."

-EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt,
on how Obama hates America

Thanks to Obama's Clean Power Plan
this 7-year old Victorian-era orphan
can't even find a chimney sweep job.

First of all, fuck that guy. Like for real.  '[T]he past administration's effort to kill jobs'? Is he seriously suggesting that President Obama got up one morning, kicked a puppy and then started issuing Executive Orders about climate change for the sole purpose of taking jobs away from hard working Americans? Yes. Scott Pruitt is seriously suggesting that. Because he's an asshole. The Clean Power Act is designed to reduce emissions from (among other things) coal-burning power plants which, I agree is a bummer if you work in a coal plant, but since burning coal is, you know, slowly killing us, I'm not sure that's an unreasonable trade off. Yeah, and I get that it's easy for me to say since I don't work in a coal plant, but again: slowly killing us. 

"Oh...jobs and a clean environment.
Gee, why didn't I think of that?"

And the line Pruitt and the administration keeps repeating? Pro-jobs and pro-environment? Do they think they're the first to think of this and that everyone else before them was, you know, stupid? It's like the President seems to approach his job with an 'any idiot can do this' attitude. He just strolls in with no knowledge or experience and minimal effort only to be hit with the grim realization that being President is really, really hard. And it's all somebody else's fault. Remember last week's healthcare thing? Yeah. That.

Anyway, with this move Trump will be fulfilling his campaign promise to put the American economy first. Ahead of everything. Everything including the planet's ability to sustain life. But then I suppose that's a somewhat less pressing issue if you're in your seventies.

Sorry kids. But while you're fighting over recycled urine in the barren,
sun-blasted wasteland of the future, just remember that with the Environmental
Independence Executive Order, America can be both pro-job and pro-environment.