Today in sore winners...

Wait...wait, unfair? Seriously? Also, did his handlers give him his Twitter account back? Because, they might want to re-think...but for real. Unfair. Huh? Oh, this:

Yeah...unfair...life's really handing you a shit-sandwich. 

"Trump? Is the next President? As in grab
them by the-that Trump? Is this a prank?"

He's referring to the nation-wide protest of his surprising win on Tuesday. And by surprising I mean, shocking, unbe-goddamn-lievable, 'Bigfoot-is-real' surprising. And professional protesters? Is he suggesting that the people taking to the streets to register their disgust/shock/dread at the thought of him in office are what? Hired by the DNC? Sponsored by NASCAR? Because I'm pretty sure nobody's getting paid here. If they are somehow professional protesters, which I'm pretty sure isn't a job, then this is pro-bono work.

Oh, and also, what does he mean by 'incited by the media?' I mean, yeah, we all watched the results come in abject terror as a sure-thing Clinton win became a nightmarish horror show, and yes maybe we saw it happen on CNN or whatever, but that's not the same thing as inciting. We're angry and afraid and have every right and obligation to be.

Above: the media inciting people to flee a rampaging monster bent
on their destruction. Pfft...that's the liberal media for you. Always startin' shit.

"At first it looks like Hillary won, but if we
carry the one, take the cube of π, then multiply
by a factor of penis...violá! President Trump."

We're angry because for the second time in memory we had to watch while some ridiculous space math that gives voters in the empty wastes of Wyoming like, double votes compared to say Californians or New Yorkers, stuck a Republican buffoon in office when, by any measurable standards of a modern democracy, Hillary Clinton should have been wading waist deep in balloons Tuesday night. And we're afraid that he's going to roll back LGBT protections, erode reproductive rights and de-regulate the fuck out of banks and plunge us into another global financial meltdown.

Protesting is a natural reaction to this goat-rodeo of an election. Clinton won all three debates, has had a successful thirty-year career in public service and got more votes than the winner so why in the name of fuck is Donald Trump getting sworn in in January? It's like Clinton bowled a perfect game, while Trump was allowed to play bumper bowling, still lost and yet goes home with the gift-certificate to Pizza Hut and Air Force One.

It's about time someone put this thing in bowling terms, right?