Today in reasons to sharpen our pitchforks...

So remember during the debate last week when Hillary Clinton was all hey, maybe Donald Trump is being squirrelly about releasing his tax records because he hasn't actually paid any federal tax in 18 years? I'm paraphrasing here, but that was the gist. Anyway, Trump made his Grinch Who Stole Christmas face and was like "Because I'm smart."

Right?

"Investing? Why didn't I think of that? Oh well,
guess it's a lifetime of menial labor for me."

-Pretty much everyone

And then everyone's stomach heaved just a little because you know, he's gross. Then the rage set in, because we already hate people like him. No, not racist, misogynist, asshats but rich people who got rich by taking money and using it to make more money instead of, you know, working. It's called investing, I know, but that doesn't mean it isn't infuriating to hear someone who got even richer doing it bragging about tax-evasion. Yeah, even richer. Because in order to be an investor, you already have to have money. It's kind of one of the ways our civilization is broken.

Pictured: one of the many businesses
Trump so smartly ran into the ground.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First you should get ready to heave-rage again because that not-paying-his-taxes shit? That might be for real. And the kick in the teeth? It might even have been legal. According to the New York Times, Trump declared a loss of $916 million in 1995. That's $916,000,000. Holy shit, how do you loose that much money? By being a tremendously shitty business-douche of course, but it wasn't a problem for Trump because he's smart. Business smart. Loosing all that money is like a get out of tax-free card.

"Disproportionate influence? Nah...
it's probably the one about Jesus."

-Some rich guy

Wai-wah? Yeah. To be clear, I'm just going by the NYT article here, I'm hopeless when it comes these things, but according to some financial expert they interviewed, loosing all that money allowed Trump to make up to $50 million a year without paying taxes on it. So why would the U.S. tax code reward failure for the super-rich, right? Well, maybe the IRS feels the human emotion known as pity, or maybe Jesus just loves rich people more or maybe it's because the wealthy enjoy a disproportionate influence over the writing of the laws.

Above: the puffs for which the
campaign's statement is cuckoo for.

Obviously Trump's campaign issued a statement and also obviously it was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Like, round the bend. First it suggested that the article was part of a global conspiracy of Democrats to make Trump look shady. Then it goes on to remind us that Hillary Clinton is basically Richard Nixon only worse for deleting emails and that Mr. Trump is an awesome business guy who gives to charity like all the time. Oh, and he totally pays the shit out of his taxes.

"Tell me again how
this thing is even close?"

-Richard Nixon

"Mr. Trump knows the tax code far better than anyone who has ever run for President and he is the only one that knows how to fix it...The incredible skills Mr. Trump has shown in building his business are the skills we need to rebuild this country."

To be clear, their argument is that we should vote for Trump because he knows how to game the system. Oh and also because Hillary Clinton is some kind of shadowy puppet master who secretly runs the New York Times and is just like Nixon.

Look, I'm not a political strategist or anything but you'd think his advisors wouldn't want to lean so hard into his incredible business skills since they include declaring bankruptcy, laying off thousands of employees and then reporting massive losses as a way to avoid paying taxes on the $45 million a year he got from his gameshow. Like these aren't reasons to vote for him, these are reasons to show up at his castle with pitchforks and torches.

Good luck Chapter 11-ing your way out of this one...