Cavalcade: It's a big horse thing.

For crying out loud, can this possibly get any worse? I mean-wait, huh? How can what get any worse? I think you know, but I'm going to say it anyway: the unrelenting shit cavalcade that is Donald Trump.

Pictured: A cavalcade. I looked it up, it's a bunch of horses
and people walking in a line. So this, but of shit.

Maybe he was talking about...uh...no.
He meant exactly what you think he did.

Like I said last time right before going right ahead and talking about him anyway, I am so over talking about Trump but you heard about the thing, right? The video? The one the Washington Times got a hold of where where Trump and Billy Bush from Access Hollywood are being like super-gross talking about women and Trump's talking about how he can totally assault women and it's cool because he's famous? Yeah. And yes, I get that it was recorded back in 2005 and the only reason we're hearing about it now is because there's an election but that doesn't mean he gets a pass.

If you haven't seen it already, go ahead and watch it for yourself. It's probably not going to change your opinion of 'The Donald,' but it will lower your opinion of all the people you know that are going to vote for him. Yes, even further.

Above: the even grosser was the moment when Trump wingman Billy Bush invites
Adrienne Zucker to hug The Donald. You know, after all those things they just said.

Anyway, next came the requisite non-apology:

In other news, bears don't look
for a bathroom. They just go wherever.

"I've never said I'm a perfect person, nor pretended to be someone I'm not. I've said and done things I regret and the words released today on this more than a decade old video are one of them. Anyone who knows me, knows these words don't reflect who I am. I said it, I was wrong and I apologize." 

-Donald Trump on how he's

not perfect. Which I'm sure

comes as a shock to us all...

Above: Trump, totally being changed
by his travels around the country.

What? 'Not' perfect? How magnanimous. And a 'more than a decade old video'? Wow, we must be total hypersensitive hysterics to take offense at a sixty-year old man letching after a woman half his age. He's seventy now and I'm sure has grown a lot since then. Anyway, he goes on:

"I've traveled the country talking about change for America, but my travels have also changed me..."

-Sure, why not?

Oh, ok, so he's ridden around on his campaign bus for the last few months so it's changed him. Sort of like when a high school kids takes a trip to Europe and it totally changes them.

"Yeah, it just gives you like a broader perspective.
Like seeing different cultures and everything..."

-Some teens

Pictured: the ruins of our once great
civilization thanks to eight years
of Democratic rule. Thanks Obama.

"Let's be honest, we're living in the real world this is nothing more than a distraction from the important issues we're facing today. We're loosing our jobs, we're less safe then we were eight years ago and Washington is totally broken. Hillary Clinton and her kind have run our country into the ground I've said some foolish things but there's a big difference between the words and actions of other people. Bill Clinton has actually abused women and Hillary has bullied, attacked, shamed and intimidated his victims. We will discus this more in the coming days. See you at the debate on Sunday"

Also, those horrible comments he made
with Billy Bush were on a bus, so...

Sure, I'll totally agree that this entire election has been about which candidate people hate more and the acrimony has been pretty brutal on both sides but holy shit. And if bringing up these comments ten years after the fact is a distraction how come he's talking about Bill Clinton? Not being a woman, I can't really speak to the unrelenting barrage of misogyny and sexual harassment they face every day, but that's not a distraction. That's a serious problem and I don't think Donald Trump is suddenly cured of being a dick because he took a road trip.