Today in loose definitions of courage...

Galaxy huh? How's it feel to
know you'll die alone?

Oh yes, it's that time of year again. That special day when the entire news media decides to pretend that an Apple product update is the same thing as actual news and they band together to make sure the public is informed about all the wonderful new products we'll need to purchase if we'd like to continue being cool and having friends and sex. Today's most notable announcement is a new iPhone which for, uh, reasons will abandon the headphone jack. You know, because who uses those? Jerks I bet.

"Obviously I don't know what I
really sound like. I'm in marketing". 

-Phil Schiller

So if you decide to get the new iPhone which starts at, I shit you not, $650 of money, you can go ahead and throw out whatever headphones you have now, or get an adaptor, or the new wireless earbuds or-you know, this all sounds like a pain in the ass. If only someone could spin it as an act of courage:

"The reason to move on is courage. The courage to move on, do something that will benefit all of us."

-Phil Schiller, Apple's senior

VP of Marketing and Spin Wizardry

Wow. I mean, holy shit, that's downright inspirational. Could you imagine what this guy could have done had he turned his power of persuasion towards funding cancer research or the space program instead of shilling for a tech company?

Eat your heart out Kennedy. 

Above: Apple.

Because for real, do you know what's absolutely not a definition of courage? Like, not even close? Removing the universally accepted and supremely convenient headphone jack we've all come to know and love and then asking customers to cough up an additional $159 for wireless earbuds which may, or may not, kill us with rays (probably not). Like, I'm not suggesting that anyone's being forced to buy this thing, but sooner or later a lot of us are going to cave. Apple is really good at making us want their shit. They're basically our dealer, but could they leave us just a little bit of our dignity?

Look, I'm not like a marketing...person...uh, marketeer? But I'd rather be lied to than bullshitted at. Just tell us it saves space or makes it cheaper or something. We'd all know it's not true, but at least we'd get to maintain the fiction that we're not just buying it because we're suckers for slick packaging or, even worse, peer pressure.

Maybe they're confusing courage with hutzpah? Or unmitigated gall?