Hey Jeff Bezos, stop living my dream.

Hang on just a minute. Can anyone explain to me what Jeff Bezos has that I don't?

Yes, obviously I mean other than being the founder and CEO of the biggest
online retailer in the world and a personal net worth of $65 million dollars...

"Obsessive fan with an encyclopediac
knowledge of Trek lore? Welcome aboard!"

-Bryan Fuller, probably

Why am I so cranky about Jeff Bezos? This, this is why. Not going to click, I know, so I'll explain. He's got a cameo in Star Trek Beyond and I am, as you can imagine, intensely jealous. This coming just weeks after learning that Bryan Fuller's new Star Trek series will be filming just across the lake from my hometown in Upstate New York; 3,000 miles from where I live now. Clearly my audition invite has been lost in the shuffle somehow, I mean I'm a gigantic fan and even have a blog where I point out when the people who make Star Trek are doing it wrong. So like, where's my cameo?

"If only there was a dash button for
Pokémon Go, I'd never leave the house!"

-Some consumer

Sure, I've never actually been on TV or in a movie or anything but I was once up for the role of the Riddler in Dark Knight Rises (no I wasn't). Ok, so I don't have a ton of experience, but Jeff Bezos isn't an actor, he's a business guy....which I suppose in itself is kind of acting. He has managed to convince people that going to the store for laundry detergent is for chumps and that they should buy those dash button things and never go outside again. You know in a number of ways, I'd say we're both equally qualified. What number? Well, zero.

Anyway, not only is Bezos in the movie, but he gets to play an alien, and a good one too, not one of those bullshit aliens that Star Trek sometimes cheaps out on where it's just like a regular person with magic marker spots or something. In fact, there's so much make-up and prosthetics that he's reportedly unrecognizable. So yes, to be clear, he's totally living out my dream of being a Star Trek alien while having $65 billion dollars.

Am I really asking so much?