Paging Dr. Carson, Gayness Expert

Brace yourselves everybody, the GOP's race to see who can be the most rabid-foam crazy is on as Dr. Ben Carson announced on CNN that being gay is a choice. In fact, he said it is absolutely a choice. His evidence? Why, prison sex of course.

"Because a lot of people who go into prison, go into prison straight and when they come out they're gay. So did something happen while they were in there? Ask yourself that question."

-Dr. Ben Carson, in an interview that will 
totally never come back to bite him in the ass

Above: Chris Cumo's face,
kind of saying it all.

Holy shit right? That heady combination of horror and amusement you're feeling right now? That's the realization that there are people out there who will take this man seriously. Here, let me make it worse: he just launched an exploratory committee to gauge his chances if he decides to run for President. Like of America. A man, a gifted neurosurgeon no less, whose understanding of the complex and broad spectrum of human sexuality comes from a joke about not dropping the soap in the shower wants to be the Republican nominee.

The sad part here is that a man who can
successfully separate conjoined twins
can't extract his head from his own ass.

His unassailable logic continues:

"Are you denying that that's true?" asked Carson.

"I am not denying that that's true, but I'm denying that as a basis for understanding homosexuality." replied the bewildered Cuomo.

"If that is the case then it thwarts what you just said." and with that, Carson dropped his body mic dramatically and strode off, confident in his victory.

Unless their key demo is idiots...then
they've got nothing to worry about.

Wait, what? What thwarts what now? Anyway, one of the members of his newly minted exploratory committee must have pointed out that homophobia and junk science don't test well with the key demo, because Carson later issued a statement apologizing for opening his stupid word-hole:

"I do not pretend to know how every individual came to their sexual orientation. I regret that my words to express that concept were hurtful and divisive. For that I apologize unreservedly to all who were offended."

Well actually what he said was that being gay is absolutely a choice, so yeah, he did pretend to know how every individual came to their sexuality. I suppose all in all it was a decent apology though. Of course he's still a sanctimonious douche who doesn't believe in evolution, and compared the Affordable Health Care Act to slavery, so welcome to field of potential GOP nominees. Next to the other guys, he might almost seem reasonable.

Above: They're a big tent party...a big, angry, batshit insane tent.