Beards: They're not for everybody

Let me start off by saying that I disapprove of cancer. I wanted to make that clear before I tell you that I shaved this morning.

Beard: November 3rd 2013-November 17th 2013
"...we hardly knew ye..."

Oh, wait, I think I just got how
pornstaches connect to diseases...

This happens to be Movember (aka the less portmanteau-y No-Shave November), a month long celebration of the mustache. Kind of ridiculous right? More so when you consider that our culture devotes 30 days to mustaches and only 28 to Black History. Ok, so it's not really about the mustaches per se, but calling attention to men's health issues, which is totally a worthy cause. The idea is that men quit shaving in order to raise awareness of diseases, especially forms of cancer that affect only men. And that's cool, although I'm not entirely sure what mustaches have to do with raising awareness of men's cancers. I mean, they make me think of hipsters, cops and 1970's porn stars, not diseases.

Nice face, mind if I make myself at home?

Also, I think they look kind of stupid, at least on their own, without a beard. I'm not trying to be a jerk or tell other people how to run their lives or anything, but for real, shave or don't. I just don't get why some men shave almost their entire face but then select this one section to leave full and bushy like a wayward caterpillar decided hang out on their upper lip.

I guess the mustaches, as a symbol of manliness, are a reminder that male humans exist and by extension have diseases. But is the medical field really in danger of forgetting about a segment of the population they worked so hard to make capable of getting erections well into their 80's?

"Women? I suppose they probably have health issues as well,
but who can tell with all that menstruating and skirts?"

-Every doctor before like 1985

People say they grow on you after awhile.
What? No, clearly I'm not better than that.

Of course, I wasn't going to grow just a mustache and really my first foray into serious facial hair was mostly about laziness. Laziness and curiosity. I was beard-curious, if you will. After all, I am a grown-up, and it was about time I saw what beards were all about. It turns out, they're not for everybody. If you are one of the give-or-take 50% of the human race incapable of growing a bristly, full-face fuzz jacket, I can tell you that you're not missing out on much. They're itchy, food gets stuck in them and people keep stroking their chin and saying things like: 'so, growing a beard, huh?' Like they're Sherlock Goddamn Holmes.

Imagine a coarse, uncomfortable wool sweater stapled to your jaw and slowly creeping down your neck. That's the beard-experience. Can't say I recommend it. Although I guess on the upside you can pretend you're a Viking or that you live in Middle Earth or something, so there's that...

I don't know, maybe it's just me. These guys seem to be enjoying their beards.