I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.

Green screen is for weather reports
and filmmakers who've given up.

A friend of mine went to see The Phantom Menace in 3D last weekend. I tried to stop him, I really did. I reminded him that every time we hand Lucasfilm our Imperial Credits for the Prequels or Special Editions we validate the Greedo-shot-first/Jar-Jar/Darth-Vader-as-whiny-child-murderer decision making that ruined Star Wars forever. Yet, he went anyway, and was unsurprisingly disappointed. In his words: 'Instead of looking like actors standing in front of a green screen spouting nonsensical dialogue for 2-hours, it looked like Colorforms spouting nonsensical dialogue for two hours.' 

"Of course! Sith, Gungans, trade
policies...in 3D, it totally works!"

Was I right to try and stop him? Absolutely. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't point out that it's the same awful movie except that now you have to wear stupid glasses? But is it right to continue hating it? That I don't know. It's been like 13 years, shouldn't I be over it by now? Is it even as bad as I remember? What about Episodes II and III? Check out this guy who tries make the case that the Star Wars Prequels are superior to the Originals and he's not even a ten-year old boy raised by Xbox and Red Bull (at least I don't think he is).

I'll wait for the Cliff's Notes.

He argues that in showing us the descent of the Galactic Republic into the Evil Empire, the Prequels were more topical and spoke to our apprehension towards the preemptive war, paranoia and fear-mongering of the Bush-era. And while I don't buy that they're better movies, he might have a point. The moral ambiguity of the Jedi, the Karl Rovey Emperor Palpatine and complex (or baffling) machinations do offer more texture than the Original Trilogy's Rebels Vs. Empire. Of course, the point would be a stronger one if the plot made any damn sense. If there are cogent observations made about politics and the role power plays in corruption they're kind of lost in an illogical mess of 'esplosions and gratuitous lightsaber fights.

Paul Verhoeven: One of the most
misunderstood geniuses of our time.

I don't know. There is, right now in my DVD collection a void, a gap between Starship Troopers (don't judge me) and Star Wars Episode IV (original theatrical release in non-anamorphic widescreen...thank you very much Mr. Lucas). It longs to be filled by the Prequel Trilogy I long ago dismissed as heretical. Is it time to just get over it? Drink the Kool-Aid and accept the fact that there are 6 Star Wars movies instead of 3? Were they really so terrible? Is it possible that in the light of adulthood we might see something we missed?

I mean sure, they're pretty weak when it comes to story-telling, dialogue, acting and characterization. Oh, and the overuse of CGI was kind of distracting. Also, Watto and the Trade Federation guys were pretty racist, what was up with that? Oh and the podrace was like 20 minutes too long and...where was I?

'I don't like sand. It's course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

-Darth Vader from Episode II,  whining
about sand and answering my question.