It's not small, it's just far away.

I mean, this is why we can't have nice things, right? Huh? What is? And what things? Right, the Mona Lisa and the plan to move it to an underground bunker.

What? The bullet proof glass, cameras, and
phalanx of security guards aren't enough? 

Both because he's dead and because the
concept would be brain-meltingly alien to him.

According to this article on NPR, the famous painting is getting bad reviews on the internet which, I mean, I don't know why this surprises me, but it does. Not that it's getting bad reviews, which I'll get to in a minute, but that it is getting reviews on the internet. It shouldn't surprise me, like, the internet's combination of broad accessibility and functionally infinite room means every weird passing thought everyone has is given a platform. And that's great, I just never thought of reviewing a five hundred year old painting, nor do I think the artist would care what yelp thinks.

But what do people on the internet think of the Mona Lisa? Well, I'm glad I pretended you asked. The article cites complaints like long lines and getting only a brief chance to see the painting, but I did some independent research--meaning I googled it--and evidently some are disappointed by the painting's size. 

I mean, they don't let people get very close...is it possible 
they don't understand that far away objects appear smaller?

For Rome it was the Goths, for the Aztecs,
Conquistadors. For us? Portion sizes.

Obviously I was reading reviews in English, so that probably skews the results a little, but why do I suspect that the paintings size is mainly a complaint levied by American tourists? It's ok, I can say that, as much as I make a big deal about my Canadian grandmother, I am mostly American. Besides, it just seems like the kind of thinking that could only come from the country that invented Supersizing and Big Gulps, you know? Oh, I guess we also came up with the internet, and probably the concept of yelp reviewing renaissance art. 

Pictured: Des Cars, seen here
caving to whiney tourists.

Anyway, the museum president Laurence Des Cars plans to bow to internet pressure. Like a quitter.

"Nous réfléchissions à une amélioration des conditions de présentation de la Jaconde, qui me parait nécessaire aujourd'hui."

-museum President Laurences Des--wow, 

French people have to type all those accents? 

Like all the time? It's like three extra keystrokes

Above: Europe Fun Bucks.

Thanks to my high school French and some internet translation, I've learned that she's saying that the museum is planning some improvements. And by improvements she means--yeah, Jaconde. Everywhere else in the world the painting is called la Jaconde or whatever version of that sounds good in their language. I guess we're the only weirdos that call it the Mona Lisa. Anyway the plan is to spend something like half a billion euros to move it into its own underground exhibition area which I mean, yikes.

That's a lot, even more when converted into real money, but I guess it makes sense. It's not just the bad reviews. Remember a couple of years ago when climate activists were throwing soup at paintings? Well they did, and the Mona Lisa got souped as well so it might be a security issue as well. Although, if it were me, I'd save a few hundred million euros and just ask the guards to be on the look out for anyone carrying soup in the Louvre.

Don't worry, it turns out that bullet proof glass is soup proof as well.
The planet's still on fire though, so jokes on them, right? Wait...oh...