Today in crushing disappointments:

Like a dagger in the heart you guys, a dagger in the heart. Once again--huh? Oh, sorry, you want context. Well, it's about a video game that is not making it to the U.S. anytime soon, so "crushing disappointment" might be a bit strong. Oh, and brace yourself, this is a nerdy one, so bail out now if you so choose. I won't take it personally. Well, I will but I don't want to make you feel bad, so I won't say anything.

Pictured: you, probably.

The fact that you're probably looking at
this and feeling nothing says a lot about
us, but it's ok, we can still be friends.

Sill there? Super. So, earlier this week, I watched all twenty-five minutes of Nintendo's Partner Direct presentation which, for the uninitiated, is essentially a commercial. A twenty-five minute ad for video games. And I can't stand commercials, but I was willing to watch this one because I was under the impression that Mother 3 was coming to Switch and that it would be announced during this thing. It was not, but why then was I, a grown ass adult, so frustrated this no-show-ery? Because Mother 3.

Although that is the face of the man who
who would have a localized copy of Mother 3
in his desk...I mean, look at that smirk.

Mother 3 is the sequel to Mother 2, or, as it's known to us United Statesians, Earthbound. A quirky, cult Super NES roleplaying game from the 90's. The third game in the series never got an official, translated release. Instead, it's become something of a white whale for Nintendo-fans. It was like running joke for years that former Nintendo of America President Reggie Fils-Aimé kept it locked in his desk drawer or something. He didn't, but really nobody seems to know exactly what the deal was.

This was, after all, the era of things like 
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

It's possible that the hesitancy to release it outside Japan has to do with some characters called Magypsies...as in magic gypsies. Yikes. In addition to having a pretty offensive name, they're gender non-conforming, which in the less enlightened 2000's may not have been dealt with in a fashion we would be ok with now. But on the other hand, maybe it was? Or maybe the localization could fix it? Or maybe it's not about that at all and everyone's just speculating.

Although hiring that guy to come out
and do "sad trombone" at the end of
the presentation was a bit much.*

Anyway, it wasn't like the presentation was slapped with any kind of tease for the game, I just happened across some reactions online and one of them mentioned Mother 3, so I made an assumption that it was finally coming to the U.S. Disappointing? Sure, but that's on me. But what's really getting to me, apart from the fact that I, a grown-ass adult has been pining away for the release of a twenty year old video game, is that I've never played it. In fact, I never even finished Earthbound. People who've played the unofficial fan translation say it's good, but it's the principle.

It's an unknown quantity and therefore intriguing. And the sense that it's such an arbitrary move to not bring it over. Like, Nintendo was offered the fan translation patch for free, but was just like: naw, we're good. But then weird, baffling decisions are par for the course for that company. And yet I keep giving them my money, so again, a lot of this is on me.

"No, keep your money. We enjoy your frustrated suffering."

-Nintendo

*Ok, they didn't, but might as well have.