Today in rethinking the pickles:

"What a scoop!"

-Some reporter who 

definitely exists

In the grand tradition of offering ones opinion about something one knows nothing about, allow me to wax befuddledly on McDonald's burgers. Specifically on the company's plans to improve their offerings. The real article about this is behind a paywall, so mostly let's just skim the local news websites glossing of the topic, shall we? Yes. So evidently, according to internal memos--which, I mean, let's stop right there. Internal memos obtained by the Wall Street Journal? Yes, I'm sure this was the work of a plucky young reporter and not McDonald's just getting some free press about their slightly better burgers.

Above: the hunt in which I have no dog.

Anyway, according to the "leak," the plan is to introduce the changes to the...recipe? Assembly instructions? Look, I'm not a snob I just--ok, I am a little bit of a snob, but I'm leery of fast food as a concept. Apart from an occasional In-N-Out, which in California one is legally required to eat, I avoid it. And yet here I am, raging on McDonald's and their new, less disappointing burgers? Well, you can't say I didn't warn you about the internet and uninformed, yet surprisingly strong opinions.

So the changes to McDonald's heretofore bland faire include fancier brioche buns, more artfully scattered sesame seeds (no, really), and "[t]he lettuce, cheese and pickles have been rethought to be fresher and meltier." 

"I propose that we make our burgers...less terrible."

-Some maverick in the boardroom

"Whomp whomp..."

-the audible sad trombone noise 

all McDonald's burgers make

They rethought their cheese and pickles and that thought was "what if they were less stale?" Look, I'm no marketing genius, but these changes were announced back in April and it kind of seems to me that if they weren't planning to institute these changes until 2024, that maybe the thing to do wasn't to announce them so early. It was like they were saying "our food is terrible, but please continue to choke it down until we've rethought our pickles." It reminds me of that time Dominoes Pizza based that whole campaign around the idea that their pizza has always been terrible, but now, less so.

Again, I'm not an advertising person, nor do eat enough fast food to justifiably chime in on what McDonald's does with their marketing, but it kind of seems like you'd want to keep this under wraps until the new, less awful burgers were imminent, you know? Oh, and does the Wall Street Journal know that they've been played? Because they've been played.

"Hello? Wall Street Journal? I think I have some information you just might be interested in..."

-some anonymous tipster