Molly Brown: it's staring them right in the face.

To be clear, it was probably
somewhat less funny at the time.

I don't know who said it, Steve Allen maybe? I don't know, the internet is kind of vague on this point, but regardless have you ever heard the old expressions that comedy is tragedy plus time? I thinks it's related to the idea that something terrible, like a natural disaster or a war is off limits as a source of humor, until it's sufficiently removed from us in time that it's ok to laugh at. For example, the bubonic plague that killed some two hundred million. Hilarious, right? Sure, because it was seven hundred years ago. 

Or World War One. It was much more recent, but it all started because one archduke was assassinated and the European political landscape was so badly designed that it triggered a bunch of treaty obligations and plunged dozens of countries into a war that left twenty million dead. So in many ways, WWI was one of history's dumbest wars.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand was evidently a load-bearing archduke.

Above: James Cameron, seen here explaining
to Kate Winslet how the door couldn't possibly
support her, Leonardo DiCaprio and the director.

And then there's the Titanic. 1912's most famous floating allegory of class inequality and hubris to ever sink into the icy depths of the North Atlantic. It's fair game now. It went down over a hundred and ten years ago. The last survivor--a British woman who was two months old at the time of the sinking--has passed away. And James Cameron has already reduced the story to a tale of two horny kids screwing in a Model T. We can look back on that catastrophic loss of human life and laugh, right? And also make two billion dollars...

There's so much find humor in. Like, did you know that White Star Lines President Phillip Alright Small Franklin--huh? Yeah, all that's his name. Rich people, amiright? Anyway, upon hearing that the ship was in trouble he remarked, in a quote that must have aged like milk, that the ship was unsinkable. Unsinkable! 

"You see when I said unsinkable, what I meant was--uh--just that, um...metaphorically
speaking it wasn't...hey, is that someone assassinating an Archduke over there?"

-White Star Line President P.A.S. Franklin,

shortly before speeding away in his Model T

Move over Oscar Wilde...

See? Comedy. But I'm not sure that it isn't too soon for poop jokes about the Titanic. Why is he brining up poop jokes? you might reasonably wonder? Because of this. I found this today while shopping for--what do you mean "This what?" This. Look at the picture on the right. It's a "Lavatory Mist" called Titanic. What's a lavatory mist? Also a reasonable question. It's a--I don't know--perfume? I guess? That you spray in a bathroom to mask the odor of, you know, the bathrooms. It almost certainly doesn't work, but whatever, we'll get to that. The problem is, I mean, read the damn bott-fine, I'll read it. It says: "It's the largest steamer in the world!" You see, because steamer can mean poop. Because word play.

Pictured: the bottle of toilet spray
I'm having an argument with.

If you flip it over, the copy on the back invites you to "Drop your trunks and relax!" and goes on to say "Forecast: Smooth movement ahead...enjoy a luxurious ride atop this mighty steamer...leave nothing but a beautiful scent in your wake." Which, couple of things. First of all, they used "steamer" twice, and also, I'm confused, you don't ride atop a boat. You ride on or in. And it doesn't even work as a poop joke. You don't ride the--look, it doesn't matter, I think they just wanted to say "steamer" again. Secondly, I'm not sure if whoever wrote this is familiar with how the human digestive or olfactory systems work, but no, there is no combination of "vetiver & rose" or any other scent, natural or artificial, that is going to convince anyone that what happened in a bathroom didn't happen. And that's ok, everyone poops. There's even a book about it. 

I guess what I take issue with here is not only the idea that the manufacturers of Titanic Lavatory Mist are turning the drowning of fifteen hundred people into a of strained bathroom puns (sorry). It's that they're doing so in an attempt to capitalize on the sense of shame people feel over basic human body functions. It's a shitty marketing tactic (again, sorry), and it is they who should be ashamed. And yes, to answer next your question, if you know me there's a decent chance you're getting this for Christmas.

Also, can you believe they missed the opportunity to say that 
their product is endorsed by The Unstinkable Molly Brown?