Look at me, taking the bait...

Just...just don't. Don't what? Oh! Sorry, I'm not talking to you really, I'm just saying don't to whomever left this dumb card at the book store in which I work:

Literally nobody ever has asked them why they vote Republican. Ever.
But if people--as I'm sure they'd like us to believe--did ask and asked so often
as to make this card a time-saver, I'd invite them to reevaluate their answer.

Apostle's Creed, Nicene Creed, doesn't
matter. The GOP welcomes everyone who
subscribes to one of two different forms
of Christianity. They're a big tent.

Don't bother squinting, both because it's not worth it and because I'm going to get into it. The bullet point is about individual freedom which is weird because Republicans just proposed a nation wide abortion ban so right off the bat this card is preposterous. The next is about equal rights "regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability." And I mean are they maybe thinking about some other Republican Party? Because the one we're familiar with has really leaned into racism, sexism, transphobia, and general Nazi-ism of late.

The rest of the card is about free enterprise, fiscal responsibility, the proper role of government--and again, I'd direct their attention to the Supreme Court's recent Dobbs vs. Jackson Women's Health Organization decision--patriotism (ha!), and how America famously spreads peace, freedom, and justice around the world. Through drone strikes, I guess.

Don't worry, this isn't the kind of patriotism that asks you to do anything
to serve your community, you can just hump the flag and that'll cover it.

He was basically this
truck in human form.

I'm not sure who exactly left the card, but I have a good idea. There was this rando in the other day, probably in his twenties, white tank top, American flag shorts--what is, shorts where half is the stars and the other side, the stripes. Oh, and a couple of norse tattoos. You know, the kind white dudes get because they think it's like their culture or whatever. It's not, and they're usually adopted by white supremacists who latch on to Viking imagery because they lack any unifying cultural identity of their own beyond whiteness and, I don't know, Trump.

I'm making an assumption here, but
money, actual money says that if asked this
dude would not be able to define socialism.

Anyway, he and some friends wandered around our book store in our blue as blue can be hippie little California beach town talking loudly (you know, so we could all hear) about how our store is full of socialist propaganda and something something liberal agenda and I think there was some stuff about God in there as well. Why? Who the hell knows? I'm sure in their heads they were changing minds with their unsolicited and performative right-wing nonsense, but mostly we all just felt like we needed a shower.

God, remember this asshat?

And what even is with the card? It was found--and I'm sure we'll be finding more of them stashed about all over the coming weeks--on a display of banned books. Was the rationale that someone would be looking at some of the titles rejected by school boards and certain states run by insecure white men and be converted to their way of thinking? Or was it just so that someone like me would see it and work themselves up into a frothy, righteous frenzy over how full of shit Republicans are? Because if that's the case then mission accomplished. 

Also, for someone who's so far up his own ass, our store's supply of left wing propaganda and insidious liberal agenda didn't stop him from spending like two hours in the store and buying stuff, but whatever. Well, at least we got his money.  

It's not like we go into right-wing book stores and preach about universal
health care and equal rights for--kidding! I'm kidding. They don't read.