To Boldly Monetize!

An abortion ban in Oklahoma? Uh-oh,
 white, conservative evangelicals must 
be feeling under-appreciated again...

Booooo. Yeah, you heard me. Boooo. I'm booing Star Trek NFT's which--huh? What's that? Yes, I am fully aware that there are more boo-able things going on in the world right now. Most of them having to do with Ron DeSantis, Oklahoma, and Putin, but you know what? Sometimes I just need a day where my outrage and disgust are of a frivolous nature rather than the soul-crushing oppression of real-world horrors. We'll talk about those other shitshows another time, but today I just want to rag on this NFT nonsense.

Pictured: yet another piece of evidence future
economists will point to when they refer to
this time as the death throws of capitalism.

The NFT's are, to begin with, horseshit. I'm not saying I fully understand them--although show me an instance of not understanding a thing stopping someone on the internet from having opinions about is--but what I do understand is that they're essentially visual or audio files that you own. Like, own in the sense that they have some unique code that's stored on a server somewhere, so while your dumb gif of some random dunking a basketball or whatever could theoretically be seen by anyone, you own the "real" one. Also, you probably paid a shit ton for it. Speaking of, the Star Trek NFT's, which go on sale today, cost two hundred dollars. Of money.

So what does $250 dollars get you? An algorithmically generated starship. Yeah, I know, what even is that? Well, it's a starship assembled from random parts of other Star Trek ships. Which, I don't know if you're a big nerd about Star Trek like I am, but there is this phenomenon among Star Trek fans of inventing their own starships. And that's cool, I'm not yum yucking here, but there is a fairly large portion of Reddit that's just this.

So basically Paramount has just invented
an algorithm that generates fan-art.

Gambling is what addicts to. Play-to-earn
on the other hand is almost like having a job!
A job where you buy pretend starships...

Ok, let's say you just shelled out two hundred and fifty big ones for one of these. Now what? Well, I guess you look at it and bask in the knowledge that somewhere a server is running around the clock to ensure your purchase's provenance. Also, there's evidently some kind of game associated with this whole thing. A "play-to-earn" game. Which I had to look up, because I wasn't sure how that's different from gambling. It's a game wherein you earn in-game rewards that can then be converted into money. So it's exactly gambling. Probably should be called "bet-to-win" but lawyers, amiright?

And look, this isn't the first time Star Trek has been merchandised. There've been toys and video games and that infamous Spock Helmet. But this is certainly the most baffling tie-in for a series set in a utopian future where humans have abandoned capitalism.

Congratulations Star Trek NFT's. You've finally displaced the
Star Trek V Marshmallow dispenser as the dumbest piece of merch ever.