Murder: totally legal now*

*some restrictions apply. Murderers must be white men and feel threatened by some nameless and/or vague menace to be eligible. Cannot be combined with other offers. 

Pictured: the real victim here.

Above: Rittenhouse, seen here strolling
down the streets with nothing to defend
himself with but an AR-15 rifle.

I mean, did any of us really think it wasn't going to go this way? Like, the goat rodeo that was the trial and that lunatic that was the judge not withstanding, this kid was never, never going to see consequences for his actions--at least not legal ones. Why would he? If the last few hundred years of human history have taught us anything, it's that white dudes simply don't do consequences for their actions. Hey, wait, I'm a white dude...does this mean I can get away with murder? Look, I'm not saying I want to kill anyone, I just guess want to know my options.

This protestor has a small child on his shoulders 
and was saying police should stop murdering
Black people, so you can see why the officer
felt the need to point a weapon at them. 

Because there's no explanation for today's verdict. Obviously I wasn't on the jury or even following it that closely, but as I understand it, Rittenhouse, a minor (he was seventeen at the time) and a huge militia fan, drove across state lines-- with a gun he wasn't legally allowed to carry--to assist the police--who didn't ask for help--during the protests in Kenosha--where he doesn't live. Like, police go through training to be police and even then there's a shocking and terrifying number of them who should never have been given badges in the first place. So where this kid gets off playing junior deputy is beyond me, as is why the cops were cool with it.

While we're no the topic, I love
Batman and all, but if he were real,
he'd be a tremendous psychopath. 

I mean, if you want to be law enforcement, go get a job with law enforcement. If you want to play with guns, do not, whatever you do, get a job with law enforcement. Go play paintball. Guns don't make you an officer of the law any more than owning a cape makes you Batman. I mean, what is it with white dudes thinking that gun ownership empowers them to be de facto police? Or say, to overthrow democracy because their wheezing, shitheel reality TV show host lost the election? Where do they--right, sorry, we--get the idea that any of this is ok?

Oh, right, because of shit like what happened today. Every time a Kyle Rittenhouse weeps on the stand about how scared he was when the liberals tried to take the gun he was threatening them with away, we just give another shitty white dude with a persecution complex and a passion for gun ownership permission to self-deputize himself. So like, see you next time this happens again. Which will be in what? Three months? Four?

Pictured: a bunch of people who live their entire lives in
abject fear of some vague, baseless threat. They are, in short,
a bunch of wusses. Well-armed, sure, but wusses nonetheless.