Hey, that's not an enclave...

"Next up on the agenda: replacing baseball
and apple pie with tennis and avocado toast."

-the secret left-wing cabal

Hey, you know who's full of shit? Josh Hawley. The Republican Senator from Missouri who, at the National Conservatism Conference in Orlando Florida--because of course Orlando, Florida--went on a screed against the left's efforts to dismantle what it is to truly be a man. Also a woman. And did you know that liberals also won't say the word "mother" anymore? Apparently we say "birthing people," which, I don't know about you but I must have missed that directive from the secret cabal that secretly coordinates the destruction of American values. It's a good thing Josh Hawley's got his finger on the pulse.

You can read the Senator's entire speech here, just be sure to shower afterwords. In it, he says that the left "...believe that America is a systemically racist, structurally oppressive hopelessly patriarchal kind of place."

-noted white guy, Josh Hawley

"I'm a white man who's also a Senator, so if anyone knows about racism and
sexism, it's me. And trust me, I'd let you know if you were being oppressed."

-Senator Hawley, oppression expert

Although in a sense, keeping a loaded
weapon that close to one's genitals is
a form of bravery. But it's also dumb.

Hawley, who was evidently elected President of Men at some point, contrasts the right's virtues of "courage, independence, and assertiveness" with the left's corrosive values of "tolerance, compliance, and consumption--which, I mean, couple of things. First, I think he's confusing courage with gun ownership which I've personally always equated with being a gigantic wuss. I just don't think one needs to bring an assault rifle into Starbucks, or walk around with a handgun in their pants to feel brave. 

They literally idolize him.

As for independence, I'm not sure a political party that spent four years pretending that a visibly deranged reality TV host was not only not insane, but also good at his job, has much to say on the topic of independence. The one thing, and really the only thing, the GOP has going for it is its ability to stick together. Something the DNC could probably learn from. That said, it was their lockstep, blind worship of Donald Trump that led them to attempt a coup which they now pretend didn't happen.  

Which brings us to assertiveness. Assertiveness is an ability to speak up for oneself and is respectful of oneself and others. The January 6th coup attempt wasn't assertiveness, it was a coup attempt, so it's weird that not everyone involved is in jail right now.

They don't call out the national guard for assertiveness.
They do however call it out for treason.

Pictured: Bernie Sanders, seen here
telling supporters to go buy stuff.

Anyway, back to the liberals and our hatred of all things good and pure. Hawley slapped the left with "tolerance, compliance, and consumption." And I mean, I guess tolerance is a bad thing when you're trying to win the hearts and minds of the kind of people who buy tiki torches and protest how white people have been treated, and I'm guessing the compliance thing is about how everyone is being brutally forced to get a life-saving vaccine. But consumption? Aren't we all supposed to be communists or something?

"Not completely full, maybe just,
I don't know, up to here?"

-Hawley, on shit

Doesn't matter, like I said he's full of shit. But the things that's been picked up everywhere is his assertion that the left, through its war on masculinity, is destroying the economy and weakening the Republic. Bold words from the coup guy.

"Still...can we be surprised that after years of being told that they are the problem, that their manhood is the problem, more and more men are withdrawing in to the enclave of idleness and pornogrpahy, and video games?"

-Josh Hawley on--wait, enclave?

Above: Donald Trump and enclave
star Stormy Daniels. Whom he paid off.

Does...does he know what an enclave is? Because he could say "withdrawing into the embrace of idleness and pornography and video games." That'd be much better. Anyway, it's the perfect, most Republican argument he can make because it allows him to call people lazy while at the same time blaming progressives and the twin evils of porn and video games. Twin evils that both sides, both sides, have been hypocritically denouncing for ages while at the same time totally embracing.

What happened in the 80's that
would account for-oh...right...

Bravo. You see, according to Hawley, the reason the labor force is shrinking isn't because Americans since the 1980's have been asked to do more and more demanding work for stagnate wages while the wealth gap has grown exponentially. It's because the left are making men feel bad for acting like shitty people. And how dare they call people out for their behavior? If there's one thing Republicans and the people who vote for them can't stand and, feel entitled to immunity from, it's consequences.

Oh, and you know, for the record, I know plenty of people, of all genders, who would love to withdraw into an enclave--again, wrong word--of porn and video games. I mean, what an enclave! It's not a men thing. Josh Hawley should really stop painting us all with his dumb, binary brush and he should really, really stop telling us what's ruining the Republic. You know, because of the coup he was such a big supporter of.

Above: Hawley, seen here expressing his solidarity with protestors
on January 6th shortly before they tried to overthrow America.