Takei-ing us all for a ride...

Hey, you know how everything is awful right now and the news is nothing more than a collapsed sun of inescapable horror into which we may fall any moment? And all of this is set against the endless void and bathed in the background radiation of terribleness?

Pictured: Our lives.

Above: George Takei
pranking the shit out of us.

Well get this: George Takei announced today on Facebook that he's going to be the final torchbearer at the Tokyo Olympics in 2021. The Games have been pushed to 2021 due to the global pandemic, but what's another year, right? Especially if it means seeing George Takei, actor, survivor of America's interment camps, advocate for LGBTQ rights and hilarious critic of our shitheel President, climb the dais, torch in hand and in front of billions light the fire that has become such a symbol of unity and global citizenship and cooperation. It's something we desperately need as we try and make it through this crisis. It's something we can all believe in and look forward to. It's something he made up as a funny, funny April Fool's Day joke. Have I mentioned how much I loathe April goddamn Fool's Day? Like, as a thing?

There is nothing, nothing I
wouldn't put past him. 

Especially in a time where the internet is full of wild claims and it's already impossible to tell the ridiculous nonsense that people are making up from the ridiculous nonsense that's actually happening in the world. Like, if you would have told me that the President would turn a press conference about the pandemic into an infomercial so some asshole could hawk pillows and harangue the nation about reading the Bible I would have-actually I'd 100% believe he'd do that...ok, bad example, but you can see my point.

And look, I don't care about the Olympics. It's too much like sports, and you know how I feel about sports. And I'm not even mad at George Takei, because how could anyone be made at George Takei? But I do want to hear something good. Something hopeful. So I hope you'll join me in demanding the George Takei be selected to actually carry the torch in Tokyo. Make it a hashtag, bring the full force of internet nagging to bear. Whatever it takes. We can make this happen. I mean, it worked for the Snyder cut, right?

No? It didn't work and the announcement from HBO that they'd be
releasing the Snyder Cut of Justice League was also an April Fool's prank?
I uh...I don't know what to believe in anymore. #GiveTakeitheTorch