Pictured: Your cuppa. |
Remember? When we all slammed the Dew? Those were good days... |
And can we just-I know this isn't really all that important, but we talk about the design? For years new consoles have been trending towards featureless black slabs. I suppose it's a way to make grown ass adults feel less like they're buying a toy...which they totally are. But this thing bucks the trend by opting for a featureless black monolith.
Behold: the new Xbox! It's uh, it's there, really. It's the black rectangle against the black background. See? Yeah, there it is. |
On the one hand it's kind of innovative in a shoe-box standing on end kind of way, but on the other hand it seems aggressively impractical and forgettably bland. I know that, like people, it's what's inside that counts but this thing looks as though a team of industrial designers sat down and said: we want something that's virtually invisible, yet impossible to fit under the TV. I'm not saying it needs to have a handle or come in purple or anything, but could they seriously not come up with...
...sorry nodded off there. That's how boring this thing is. Oh well, I don't know about you, but uninspiring design or no, I'm not rushing out to get one on day one. While a price hasn't been announced, new consoles are always expensive because they're full of, you know, technology, but internet speculation is that the thing will be eye-wateringly expensive. Say around five hundred dollars. Yes. Of money. So if you want one, you might need to think about a second job. Or third, because the economy, amiright?
Of course things like 8K output and ray tracing aren't cheap. Yeah, those are some of the new features and no, I don't know what they do either but I do know that 8K is like twice the K of 4K and that up until now, rays have gone largely un-traced so money well spent.
If your old like me, you remember how mind-blowing Sega Genesis looked after playing 8-bit Nintendo. At the time it seemed impossible that anything could ever top the sheer graphical powerhouse that was Altered Beast's five stages of walk to the right, punch, repeat. And while we haven't seen any of the new Xbox's games, it just doesn't seem likely that we're in for the same kind of leap we saw going from 8 to 16-bit or 2-D to 3-D. I mean, the human eye is only capable of distinguishing so much detail, and I think we're kind of there.
If it sounds like I'm trashing this thing an entire year before it even comes out, I'm not, it's just that-well, ok, I kind of am. I'm a video game fan and all, but it's just kind of hard to get excited about the move from Xbox to slightly improved, yet staggeringly more expensive Xbox.
I mean, just look at all that technology...stuff. |
Of course things like 8K output and ray tracing aren't cheap. Yeah, those are some of the new features and no, I don't know what they do either but I do know that 8K is like twice the K of 4K and that up until now, rays have gone largely un-traced so money well spent.
Here's a comparison. The image on the right has ray tracing, the one on the left doesn't. I think. Either way, that'll be $500 please. |
Garbage yes, but garbage that heralded a new generation. |
If it sounds like I'm trashing this thing an entire year before it even comes out, I'm not, it's just that-well, ok, I kind of am. I'm a video game fan and all, but it's just kind of hard to get excited about the move from Xbox to slightly improved, yet staggeringly more expensive Xbox.
"I'm moderately thrilled to announce the inevitable follow up to the Xbox One. I think you'll find it...incremental."
-Phil Spencer, CEO of Xbox
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