Huh? No, we are going to talk about phones, but I just thought I'd mention how we have internment camps again. Because we do. |
Blow, blow your mighty horns! |
Yup, our damn iPhones. A whistleblower came forward last week with-hey, can we stop calling these people whistleblowers? I think of of a whistle as piercing, shrill, obnoxious noise designed to get attention. Calling them whistleblowers makes them sound like hall monitors out to enforce petty and arbitrary rules. These are people who point out injustices and crimes at the risk of their jobs and sometimes lives. They're basically heroes sounding a call to action. I've got a better term: Hornblower. As in, holy shit, did you see that hornblower who revealed that Apple's been letting randos listen in on you having sex?
"The test results came back embarrassing, so it's a good thing no one's listening in." |
Pictured: a rando Lando. Sorry, I couldn't not. |
This is where the aforementioned randos come in. Apple, in there quest to make Siri work marginally better than it already doesn't (you heard me), is using outside contractors to analyze these recordings and Siri's responses and see where there's room for improvement. What our heroic hornblower has brought to light is that Apple doesn't tell us that they're sending recordings of our boning sessions to contractors who are under no obligation to maintain customer privacy.
Holy shit, right? Well, yes. The slightly less alarmist side of this is that these recordings aren't associated with your name so really that could be anyone asking for a chili con queso honey bucket blumpkin.
Look, I'm not out to kink shame anyone, and I'm pretty sure that a chili con queso honey bucket blumpkin isn't a real thing, but do yourself a favor and don't look it up... |
"Apple: because resistance is futile."
-Apple's somewhat
ill-advised new slogan
|
I don't know, are we just supposed to take Apple at their word that they won't use this terrifying, god-like power against us or sell our private, most personal bumpkin-related secrets to the highest bidder? And before you answer, remember that this was the company that used to deliberately hobble your phone's battery life with updates every couple of years so you'd buy a new one.
Pictured: a chilling reminder that we are little more than exploitable data points to the corporations that rule the world. Also, did you know that you can make Siri British? 'ello 'ello! |
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