Today in the literal definition of absurdity:

"The President? A sleazy racist?
I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!"

-No one ever

Wait, seriously? Absurd? I'm not sure Sarah Huckabee Sanders is really the person to point out absurdity given that her job is to try and spin everything the President does and says as something other than dishonest, mean-spirited garbage. But ok, what am I talking about? Why this. If you clicked, and I know you didn't, you'd have read a story about a woman called Alva Johnson, the director of outreach and coalitions for the Trump campaign in Alabama, who is saying that Trump forcibly kissed her and also that she was discriminated against by the campaign on the basis of her race and sex and has filed a lawsuit.

Although, it's probably
only a matter of time...

A spokesperson was quick to defend the campaign  against the discrimination charge saying:

"The Trump campaign has never discriminated based on race, ethnicity, gender or any other basis. Any allegation suggesting otherwise is off base and unfounded."

-Kayleigh McEnanay, spokesperson and as yet 

un-indicted member of the Trump campaign

"It's why we voted for him!"

-idiots

Huh. I'm not sure 'off base' and 'unfounded' are really the right words here. Because what Johnson is claiming seems highly probable and fully consistent with everything we know about Donald Trump and the people he surrounds himself with. I mean, wasn't Trump's campaign platform entirely based on discriminating against people based on race, ethnicity, and gender? The 'Make America Great Again' slogan is kind of just code for 'white men should continue to run things forever,' so what exactly is implausible about Johnson's accusation?

Why would she lie about this? I mean,
it means admitting that she willingly
worked for the Trump campaign...

As for the accusation of sexual misconduct, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders addressed it by adhering to the administration's long standing policy of calling any women who accuse Donald Trump of sexual assault liars. Which, after the 19 previous accusations (I think Johnson makes 20), you'd think someone in the White House might start to wonder? Unless, huh, you don't suppose they know this is absolutely a pattern and they're just lying to protect their gross boss, do you?

Does she think we're talking about
some other President Trump?

Anyway, here's Huckabee Sanders' dumb response about how guilty Trump isn't:

"This accusation is absurd on its face. This never happened and is directly contradicted by multiple highly credible eye witness accounts." 

-Sarah Huckabee Sanders,
incredibly with a straight face

Absurd? Absurd. Is it possible that she misspoke? While she said that the accusations are absurd, could she have meant to say something like: "We take these claims very seriously and welcome a thorough investigation?" Because it kind of sounds like she doesn't know what absurd means.

Above: Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett is absurd.
Accusing Trump of sexual misconduct is just another weekday.*

But it does describe the President himself.
He is the literal definition of absurd.

I just have so many questions. Like, what does she mean multiple credible eye witnesses? Who are they? How did they find a single credible member of the campaign team, much less many members who would offer eye-witness accounts? Aren't most of them either in or going to prison? But I think an even more pressing question is how Huckabee Sanders defines 'absurd.' The dictionary defines the word as "ridiculously unreasonable, unsound or incongruous," which describes exactly zero of the accusations.

Ok, so accusations and lawsuits aren't the same thing as proven facts. Cool, everyone's entitled to the benefit of the doubt, right? But do any of these accusations sound even remotely out there? But we've all heard Trump on tape talking about how great it is that he can forcibly kiss and sexually assault women, so is a twentieth woman accusing him of exactly that absurd, or just, you know, a crime?

Pictured: Trump, Billy Bush, Arienne Zucker moments after Trump
and Bush discussed their fondness for sexual assault. 

*Hey, get me: two Beckett references in as many weeks. Looks like that theatre degree is finally paying off.