Today in Republi'splaining...

Is it me or is this looking less and less like an elaborate prank? Reality I mean. Like, it's getting harder and harder to cling to the possibility that Hillary Clinton is just going to stroll into frame during a press conference, high five Donald Trump and explain that of course she's the President and the last seven months has just been a funny, funny joke and now it's time to get back to business.

"Gotcha!"

-President Clinton...

yup, any minute now...

Poor people simply lack the part
of the brain responsible for wealth.

I ask because this can't be real, right? Like, Trump and the Russia thing and the unceasing game of one-upsmanship about who can be the most insulting and/or idiotic member of the administration everyone seems to be playing. 'Cause this has to be a joke, right. What has to be a joke? Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. It happens when I confronted with Omega level jerkery. Here, check this shit out:

"I think poverty to a large extent is a state of mind."

-HUD Secretary Carson, apparently not kidding

Look, I'm not the Housing and Urban Development Secretary, nor am I a neurosurgeon, but that doesn't sound right. Like, I'm sure a positive attitude is important and all, but don't low wages, crushing debt, ever increasing medical expenses and an economic system stacked against all but the super-rich figure into this in some way?

"Nope. You're poor because you're not thinking rich enough."

-Dr. Carson, who again, is a neurosurgeon

"All I need is my wits and a few million
in start up capital and I'll be back on top!"

-Some rich guy

Carson was giving an interview on Sirius XM when he-huh? Oh, I think it's like a podcast for people who can't figure out how podcasts work. Anyway, he went on to Republi'splain how resilient the wealthy can be:

"You take somebody that has the right mind-set, you can take everything from them and put them on the street, and I guarantee in a little while they'll be right back up there..."

-Carson on how awesome rich people are

Step1 :locate the boot straps.
Step 2: lift yourself up by them until
you're hovering gently in the air

Yes, the story of America's wealthy is a truly inspiring tale of how some people are just hard wired to be rich and that no set back can keep them down for long. The rich are basically goddamn heroes. He followed up his theory with the poor people corollary:

"...You take somebody with the wrong mind-set, you can give them everything in the world-they'll work their way right back down to the bottom."

-HUD Secretary Carson who

somehow sleeps at night... 

Don't bother man, he's just going
spend that sandwich on lottery tickets.

So Secretary Carson is not only explaining why some people have nothing while others have everything, he's doing it in a way that removes all guilt and responsibility on the part of those in a position to do something about wealth inequality. In fact, his preposterous comments even justify rolling back reforms and cutting of programs designed to address the inequality. I mean, if poverty is a character flaw, why bother trying to address the system, right? Wow, everything's so much clearer now. Bring on the tax cuts!

You know, I think I've been misjudging Secretary Carson. After all, what he's talking about is the American dream. He's saying that this is a land of opportunity that rewards those with the intelligence and drive to succeed in life and certainly not one where a person could rise to the top through inherited wealth, bullying tactics and shady, if not criminal business practices which-wait, you don't suppose Carson is being ironic here do you? I mean, he knows we know who gave him his job, right?

Above: Incontrovertible proof that Dr. Ben Carson is full of shit.