Slow clap Houston, slow clap...

"Booo...diverstiy, boooo..."

-Houston

Houston? More like Boo-ston. You know, like I'm boo-ing them. It's not like a Halloween thing, look just forget it, it was a terrible-anyway, yesterday Houstonians-I guess-voted against the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance or HERO. Yes, against equal rights. The ordinance would have established anti-discrimination protections for the LGBT community as well as strengthening protections against discrimination on the basis of sex, race, religion, you know, all the things jerks like to discriminate on the basis of. So what's the problem? How could Houstonininians vote against equal rights? Do they just hate diversity?

Of course not, so the only other explanation must be some horseshit scare tactics rolled out by conservative groups with persecution complexes. But what could possibly frighten Houstonites out of an equal rights ordinance? Oh right...bathrooms. Goddamn bathrooms.

Pictured: This asshole. Am I right?

"I told you Yahweh takes gender-
based bathroom assignments seriously!"

Yup. They made up some poppycock about how letting transgendered people use the correct bathrooms was basically the first step to Houston being destroyed in a blaze of divine wrath. Here, watch this ad from the hilariously alliterative Faith Family Freedom Fund. Classy, right? Huh? You didn't watch it? Fine, the ad is a shot of money being flushed down the toilet while the narrator implies that voting yes on HERO would lead to the brutal curtailment of everybody's right to worship and discriminate freely: ''If proposition 1 passes, you could be fined up to five thousand dollars for declining to participate in a same-sex wedding or simply objecting...to a man using a women's bathroom.' Holy shit...

"Dearly beloved, we are legally compelled
to gather here today by city ordinance..."

There is, as you can imagine, a lot wrong with this. Like tons. First of all, the disembodied voice of reason in the ad says 'you could be fined for declining to participate in a same-sex wedding' implying that if some random gay couple invites you to their wedding, you will be legally required to find out where they're registered or face heavy fines. This is omega-level bullshit. Business who refuse service to gay couples on the basis of just not liking gay people would face the fine. You can still check the 'will not attend' box if you want to. This is the gay wedding cake thing all over again.

Holy shit, is this like a thing in Houston?

And of course you won't be fined for 'simply objecting to a man using a women's bathroom.' You would be fined if you run a business and you refuse, like physically block a transgender person from using the correct restroom. Your small business owner's license does not actually empower you to determine a person's legal sexual identity. So yeah, the Houstonese just threw out a law which would have protected not only the LGBT community but also religious minorities and women from discrimination because they're afraid that it would lead to straight men pretending to be transgender so they can watch women pee.

And ok, yeah, men who fake gender dysphoria so they can sneak into the women's restroom for sexual gratification would be a horrible thing if it actually happened, but it doesn't. It's paranoid fear-mongering and yesterday's vote sucked. I mean, is our weird bathroom baggage more important than the right to be treated like people? And speaking of, is it me or is it kind of screwed that we put so much emphasis on our bathroom assignments? Seriously, we all need to calm down...

"Just checking. My religion requires that I only excrete
waste in the presence of other biological males."