Sink Florida, sink.

How can this still be a problem? It's 20-goddamn-12 and we have been voting here in the U.S. since like the 18th century. So what's up with Florida? Why can these people not get it together and hold an election like grownups?

Above: People in the 1700's voting. These savages had no internet, no antibiotics
and would burn a woman alive at the mere suggestion of witchcraft yet somehow they
managed to accomplish what modern day Floridians can only dream of.

"Yesss...your misery ssssustains me..."

-Governor Rick Scott

Check this out. Last year, Florida Republicans, seeing an opportunity to make people's lives more miserable, reduced the window of early voting in that state from 8 to 14 days. Why would they do such a thing? Because Republicans feed on sadness and pain and fucking with people's right to vote gives them sexual pleasure.* Anyway, the move has unsurprisingly resulted in long lines, wait times in the 5 to 7 hour range and polling places being overwhelmed by demand. So what are they doing about it? you ask. Why, not a damn thing of course.

Wait, wah? Yeah, Florida instituted early voting back in 2004 as a way to avoid another electoral disaster like the 2000 election. It's designed to help people vote who might otherwise not make it to the polls. You know, working people, with jobs and kids...oh, and Democrats, they're mostly Democrats.

Above: The line outside a Miami polling station.
Here's a fun game: Count the number of women, minorities and white dudes with totally gay haircuts and
hipster glasses. Now, try to predict how quickly Governor Scott is going to deal with the problem.

"Governor Scott is simply trying
 to level the playing field...for me."

While votes won't be counted until election day, polls of early voters have President Obama ahead by like 15 points which is way the hell better than the likely voter polls that have the race tied. By allowing the clusterfuck in Florida to continue Governor Rick Scott and the state's GOP are hoping to curb Democratic turnout and help Mitt Romney secure the state's electoral votes without having to go through all the trouble of making their case to the voters. I think it's sort of like affirmative action if it was invented by someone who doesn't really understand the point of affirmative action. After all, did you know that there are exactly zero white Presidents of the United States right now? Zero.

"Hullo there. We hear you're having
trouble with the democratic process."

-Canadians

I think it has become clear that the state is incapable of running its elections and that's fine insofar as I don't give a crap about who their comptroller is, but we are again finding ourselves in a position where the State of Florida's inability to hold an election could seriously screw us all. Why is this allowed to continue? Why are we not parachuting Canadian election inspectors into the Sunshine State right this minute? In addition to ensuring a free and fair election, we can also enjoy their refreshing politeness and adorable accents.

On a side note, whoever wins this election will very likely be choosing Supreme Court justices who will be around for decades, deciding things like gay marriage and robot suffrage. Florida has 29 electoral votes as well as the highest concentration of old people many of whom won't be around for repercussions of their vote. So, not to be a dick, but does anyone else see a problem here? You know? With the old people?

This is Frank. He was born in 1922. He routinely uses terms like 'chinaman' and 'colored fella' and refers to his male nurse as 'that fruit who brings my pills.' Since he lives in Florida, his vote counts more than yours. Welcome to the electoral college.

*No really. I mean that.