Monday, December 19, 2011

Crazy wears a drab jumpsuit.

Kim Jong Il died and that's sad, like in theory. I don't really wish anyone dead, but there are plenty of people who, if they died and I had 99 Phoenix Downs, probably wouldn't make the cut. Does that make me a bad person?
Literally tens of North Koreans heard the sad news from this grief-stricken
reporter on one of the country's 4 television sets.
You're picturing it now aren't you?
The steamy moment of passion?
Anyway, it's sad because for millions of North Koreans, Dear Leader was JFK, Kurt Cobain and Steve Jobs rolled into one drab jumpsuit. They didn't seem to mind that he was a megalomaniacal loony-toon who kept his country starving and stuck in the 1950's while he lived like Jabba the Hutt. To make things worse, the guy that's going to take over for him is his 20-something son who's only qualification is having been conceived in a steamy moment of passion between Kim Jong Il and one of his consorts.

And I don't mean to judge Jong-Un before he's even had a chance to threaten nuclear destruction on the South, but this guy grew up with a father who once kidnapped a filmmaker and forced him to make a monster movie for him. Is there even a chance this kid isn't going to be the Korean equivalent of Francis Buxton? Remember? The spoiled rich kid who stole Pee-Wee's bike? Yeah, there he is.
"Today's my birthday, and my father said I can nuke anyone I want.
So is this the button that blows up Seoul?"

-Kim Jong-Un, future star of Team America 2

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