Van Lantern

Yup, was kinda rooting for the
soul-sucking monster.

Yeah, so I kind of hate Green Lantern. Like, not the comic book, or even the new movie necessarily, but the character in the movie. He's kind of a jerk. I'm admittedly not super-familiar with the comic version of Green Lantern, and I know this is just summer special effects schlock, but I really couldn't get behind the protagonist here. Usually in this kind of movie you want to be able to like the hero or at least be in support of whatever he/she is doing rather than wishing the evil space cloud thing would devour the damn Earth already.

Wow. Can't wait for Van Lantern 2:
The Rise of Taj.

In the film, Hal Jordan (Green Lantern when he's not Green Lanter-ing) has a square jaw, a hot girlfriend, and a loft apartment. Also he gets to break all the rules, but it's ok because he's got chiseled abs. Now, this is a movie based on a comic book, so you'd think they'd be interested in appealing, at least in part, to the comic book fan base. You know, the geeky types who are into sci-fi and fantasy and complaining on the internet.


Take Peter Parker (Spider-Man when he's not Spider-Maning) for example, he's the socially awkward kid that gets picked on in school and never catches a break. Relatable right? He's the everynerd. Ryan Reynolds' Hal Jordan is more like the guy who beats up guys like Peter Parker and gets away with it. He's the everydouche.

See? Wonder Woman understands her target audience.

'Ah-ha! You flinched!
Psscht. Loser.'

-Green Lantern

The least they could have done was give him a flaw, you know, like something to take him down a few pegs. Sherlock Holmes is a genius detective but he has a coke problem. Iron Man's a playboy kagillionaire, but he's also an alcoholic. Hal Jordan's flaw? Not everyone realizes just how awesome he is. Well, at least until whatever dick stunt he pulls ends up winning his company a multi-billion dollar contract. Oh yeah, the company? A fictional version McDonnell Douglas that makes next gen drone planes for the military, you know, to kill people. Whatta guy.


The moral kids: nice guys finish last and douche bags get the girl, the magic ring, and whatever else they want because they're awesome.

'Being an asshole is how I got where I am today. Well, that and lens flare.'

-Capt. James T. Kirk