Behold, The Illusory Power of Tarps!

Holy shit. A tiny man in his dad's suit whom we're told is the new White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, went full denial at his press conference today red-faced-ly insisting that despite us being able to see the vast emptiness of the National Mall on Friday, there were actually more people at Trump's inauguration than at any other event in the history of humankind so shut up. Oh and do watch the video. It's a treat.

Sean Spicer, seen here in an ill-fitting pinstripe suit that's doing him
no favors, explained that the media is a bunch of losers and that lots
of people showed up to the inauguration so shut up.

Picture: '09 on top, '17 on bottom.

(source: the entire internet)

False. Fucking false. I know that we're like a day into what promises to be simultaneously the most terrifying and hilarious administration ever, but we're already listening to the technical winner of the election's staff make up ridiculous bullshit about things we all saw live on TV. Do they not understand that we have access to the internet? Did Sean Spicer not think he'd get caught? He said that the reason it looks like a thin crowd is that protective tarps were put down on the lawn of the National Mall to protect the grass and that this created the illusion that Trump was sworn in before a light dusting of idiots gloating about how great America's going to be as soon as their health insurance is yanked. He then went on to claim that there were a bunch of magnetometers and security fences that kept hundreds of thousands from accessing the Mall.

Good thing Press Secretary isn't a high
pressure job, because he might pop a valve
if he ever has to talk about something real.

"Inaccurate numbers involving crowd size were also tweeted-NO ONE HAD NUMBERS! Because the National Park Service which controls the National Mall, does not put any out. By the way this applies to any attempt to count the number of protesters today in the same fashion."

-Press Security Sean Spicer,

already shouting at the
press and calling them liars

See if you can spot the tank in this picture.

So if NOBODY HAD NUMBERS (his caps, not mine), how does he know they're wrong? Anyway, to sum up Spicer's point, the white tarps made it look super-empty which it wasn't but if it looked like it was it's because hundreds of thousands of people were slowed down by security fences and whatever numbers you may have read are filthy lies spread by the media because NOBODY HAD NUMBERS. Wait a sec, does the army know about tarps? Because this could be a whole new frontier in stealth technology.

Oh, and those numbers of protesters we're not supposed to have an accurate count of? He's referring to the Women's March on DC, an event which has sister events across the country and all over the planet. Here, check out the Chicago Tribune's article and photo gallery. Keep in mind that angles and tarps can be seriously misleading so while it looks like millions turned out, it's probably just a few hundred malcontents...

Here's Washington's Women's March. Hardly anyone...

 New York's march...which I'd put at what? Twenty people? Twenty-five?

And L.A.'s. Ok, a few people in this shot, but they're
probably shooting a movie or something

I'm pretty sure San Francisco's just going
to be one big protest from here on out.

Look, I'm not great at estimating crowd sizes, but then no one in the Trump administration seems able to count either. Remember when he made up some horseshit about how if you take out all the illegal votes, he totally won the popular vote? Numbers are not his friend. Neither is photographic evidence. Nor is objective fact. But whatever, millions turned out today. Millions came out to register their disgust which is way the hell more than turned out to watch him put his leathery mitts on a copy of The Art of the Deal and get sworn in.

Here, lookit this comparison between January 20th and January 21st:

Inauguration Day

We're Pissed About Inauguration Day Day

"And then everyone had cake and it was
like, the best cake PERIOD, of all time.
It was way better than Obama's cake."

But who cares? Well obviously Donald Trump cares because he sent his petulant Press Secretary out there to embarrass himself by lying at us right out of his stupid lie-hole about how this is the

"...largest audience to ever witness an inauguration PERIOD, both in person and around the globe."

-Sean Spicer, the first of what I predict 

will be many Press Secretaries 

before this is all over with

Ok, so traditionally you put the PERIOD at the end of your sentence and you don't need to say it out loud, but other than that, congratulations Sean on your first day as the mouth piece for a ridiculous, short-tempered misogynyst who has now joined cancer, Monsanto and war on the list of things people march against.

Above: Hillary Clinton, who actually can count watching
the guy who got fewer votes get sworn in. We should be putting
her on the fifty dollar bill just for putting up with this bullshit...